Drunk and stupid

Hey, look, two posts in as many days. It's like a bus. You wait ages for one...

So let's start by saying this isn't a pity post. Yes, I only had the conversation with S last night so I'm still in the crash and burn phase, but that's somehow irrelevant right now. Maybe it's denial, maybe not, but I've been going crazy mad for the last week while I tried to work out what was going on with S. I'm okay. I can't really explain it, but I am.

She is one hell of a lady, but then I wouldn't have dated her if she wasn't. The annoying thing, right now, is the realisation that I'm never going to be that guy. I can try, and I will always be charming, attractive and funny, but I'm just plain not desirable. There is for what ever reason something lacking. Yes, I know, I will find an absolutely gorgeous woman eventually, but I'm no longer convinced that I'll get the four children. I'm okay with that.

I'll find her in the mid-thirties/early forties, and it'll be great. A companion, someone to share my life with and enjoy it, but we're never going to be ripping each others clothes off. I guess really that's all I exoect, because if I wanted more than that I'd be out hunting the meat markets to see what I could find.

Yes, I'm probably just in the crash and everything will be different next year but even if it's not, even if I am right, at worst I'll end up happy. I have after all had an amazing life so far.

I look forward to seeing what happens next.