One slip too many

I'll say now I'm slightly drunk. It'll save time later. :)

I finally decided it was time to add an image to this blog. I went with this: a copy of an image from one of the last Sandman comics. It's death, the way death should be. Not some annoying skeletal cadaver, but a cute chick who's someone you might want to meet. Because let's face it, as the ultimate end of all life, Death should only be a good person to meet. Someone funky and nice to know. It kind of makes me think of Nicholas Cage in 'City of Angels'. Someone who's much more interested in life than the people who live here. Not a depressing image I'd have to say! Or at least not if done properly.

Hopefully I've done justice to... I forget the artist's name. I'd like to say Dave McKean of MirrorMask fame, but I know he was just the cover artist. According to Wikipedia it's probably Marc Hempel as it came from The Kindly ones. Still Neil Gaiman's work seriosuly rules. He's the only guy who's won a proper honest-to-god literary award (the World fantasy award) for a comic (cue shock horror - although it is fantasy so unfortunately not that much :( ) and as a great as that issue was (#19) that's nothing compared to the rest of the series. Oh yeah!

Also in the efforts of full disclosure last Saturday I had five cigarettes. In my defense I'd have to say:
1) If Em hadn't so completely dismissed me in one glance.
2) If when she did decide to talk to me she didn't shout at me for something that wasn't my fault.
3) If I'd been somewhere other than Annie's birthday so I'd felt like I could have replied.
4) If I'd been somewhere that I could have just accepted it (see above) and not sucked it up so that eventually I just needed to blow off steam.
5) If I'd been somewhere that I didn't need to escape, and needed a reason to escape.
6) If I hadn't seen an evening ahead of me of trying to avoid Em (which turned out to be unjustified since she left soon after) in a space which had no room to avoid her.
7) If I hadn't mostly been surrounded by her friends.
8) If I'd been a better person and not someone who was still secretly in love with her, but knew that that love wasn't returned (because it was essentially a big mistake. A lot of fun, but still a big mistake all the same).
9) If I hadn't been that drunk :)

Then I probably wouldn't have had the first one. Which led to the second, third and fourth...

The pack of ten I smoked tonight I had no excuse for. But I've got to say, I seriously gave up that much of my life for this crap? I mean damn, it's not like they taste any good!

So the wonderful quitting smoking plan kind of died briefly. But I've got to say I'm feeling more positive about it now. Yes there's still a cetain amount of craving, but what does that really mean if I'm not smoking anymore?

It means part of me still wants to smoke obviously, but I can deal with that part. As long as I accept the difference between a glitch and a mistake. If you can't fall of the wagon long enoug ht obounce then how do you know you're really on the wagon after all?

Finally I briefly caught up with an old friend this evening, who also happens to now be the drummer for Razorlight. Very bizarre, but pretty cool! He's such a nice guy, and it's still good to catch up with him. Even if I did feel a little like 'But you're all rich and famous, I'm not sure how to talk to you anymore!'. So I now have his mobile. I feel like I have power!

Sleep calls. Later!